Decisions and Dating

Well many of you know my dating history; men, women, break ups, cut buddies, and one night stands. After going on a few dates, being stood up, being ignored, and being lied to, I've decided to back away from trying to find that perfect mate. Sometimes when you search and search and search, you often look too hard and you frustrate yourself. I am utterly frustrated. I'm tired of being let down, told that I'm too feminine, that I'm too out there. I'm tired of just being asked for sex and used for a quick nut. When is my time coming? Soon!!! I've got a lot to focus on. As I stated in an earlier post, I am okay with being single. I really am. I kind of don't have a choice but to be okay with being single. The more I look for what I want: happily gay man, established, not ashamed of himself, accepts me flaws, fem, and all, the more I get frustrated. Being Gay is hard. It's so many stigmas, stereotypes, self hatred and a number of other problems that make it hard for guys like me. I love myself, so why is it so hard for me to find that perfect mate. I'm 26...on the brink of 30 and I'm still single. This is not how I planned for my life to be. I planned on being married with a dog and 2 kids and I'm not even close. I thought I was close, but then I got crapped on. I will admit that I let one person get away. We were tight. I will call him Senor Paco. Senor Paco and I had forged and awesome relationship and friendship, but due to a bitch that we'll call Jezebel, all that got screwed up. I have since told that person how I felt, but we just decided to keep it on the friendship level. Part of me wants to keep looking, but I know that its best for me to focus on myself and getting things established for my finances, my move to DC, as well as with my career. Things are looking up and I know that God is preparing me for that mate. I just pray that he at least has the big prison muscles and sexiness all over LOL. Well I guess that's the end of my rant for a while.